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Bonnie

A Fresh Start Story
    "I never felt like I had a place in my family. And it hurt, it hurt a lot. And it carried over to later in my life when I never felt like I was accepted by anyone."

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    Tolerated

    Before I had a Fresh Start for my heart my heart felt very much tolerated. And I think this came from my family of origin. I felt like… I was the youngest of seven children, and I felt like they really didn’t want a seventh child. Plus they wanted a boy.

    I felt like I was part of the family, but never embraced by the family.

    I was lost. I was just feeling tolerated. I never felt like I had a place in my family. And it hurt, it hurt a lot. And it carried over to later in my life when I never felt like I was accepted by anyone.

    This feeling of being tolerated carried over in my marriage.

    Unfortunately, the worst thing was this feeling of “tolerated” — not only did I feel that from my parents and my husband, but then I transferred that, and that’s the way I saw God. I felt like God looked at me, and just tolerated me.

    I was as I was to my parents: I was his least favorite. And I always felt like when I prayed, it was like, “well maybe I’ll hear you, but you’re down here and you’re not that important to me.” And that carried over into my relationship with my heavenly Father. Which was devastating in my Christian walk.

    Treasure

    After the Fresh Start process for my heart the word that best describes my heart is “treasure”. I am God’s treasure. He showed me that one night. One night I was– I’d lost my husband and I was feeling really down and I went to bed and I said “God, I don’t feel like I’m important to you at all I don’t know where I am I don’t know my place. I feel like in life I am being tolerated again.”

    And He woke me up in the night and He said “You are my treasure.”

    Of course I got up and looked up every Scripture I could on “treasure” and so I know who I am now in Him. And how He sees me now: He sees me as His treasure. He doesn’t just tolerate me. He loves me unconditionally. And I am important to Him.

    And He told me, He said: “You are my treasure, I gave my Son for you.” So I am now His treasure.

    When I went to the Fresh Start process in the first place I went because I had a lot of people in my life that were difficult. So I came to figure out how to live with them.

    After just a couple weeks I realized they aren’t the problem. I am. I had enough issues myself. God would take care of them, I had my own issues. So I started looking at myself, and it was a relief to know I didn’t have to fix those around me. God could handle that, all I had to do was take care of my heart. I had enough issues, myself.

    And once I started looking at my heart then things started to come out. And it’s been a process, but it’s been a good process.

    I no longer have to look to others for one thing, for my value. I look to God for my value. That’s probably the biggest thing. Because no matter what happens around me, I see how God sees me. Not the way others see me. It’s important to me, to know how God sees me. I can be myself and who God wants me to be. It’s a good place to be.

    It’s never too late for a Fresh Start!

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